Snap Out of It!!

I’ve been very neglectful. This precious blog has been dormant for far too long. It’s not for lack of adventures and epiphanies to write about or ‘slice of life’ moments worthy of sharing. It’s a combination of being caught up in the living of those events, the ‘down time’ I physically and emotionally needed for having lived them, and–to be quite honest–the creative block I’ve been suffering from.  When word got to me that I had followers other than my friends and family I froze. Writing the blog became way to precious a prociess for me. One I felt inadequate to tackle. I began taking it way too seriously and trying to be a writer, when my initial intention was just to share my journey. After all, whatever media one works in, all anyone has is their unique voice. Some will be drawn to it and some won't. This blog was never about reaching the masses. It's just me and my little voice. Instead of being a release and a creative process, writing became a chore and stressful. But the thing is I really enjoyed it before I let my quest for 'perfection' (whatever that is) get in the way. I was no longer 'going with the flow'. As Cher’s character said as she slapped Nicholas Cage’s character in the movie “Moon Struck”, I have rebuked myself to snap out of it!!!

Although I am now back at home and have been for almost two months, the journey continues. It was about going to Malaysia and all the travel but I learned along the way that it was really more than that. The journey is about finding a balance in spite of whatever life throws at you. In my case it’s Multiple Sclerosis. Living with M.S. is like living a constant game of Russian Roullette. One never knows what to expect from one moment to the next. When it delivers hard blows it would be very easy to succumb to the pain, fatigue and other myriad of symptoms. But I chose to snap out of it and challenge myself. Now that I am back in my real world with all of its stressors, good and bad, the balancing act continues. In fact, in a way its even more challenging. I find myself looking back on so many defining moments of my months in Asia when I pushed myself out of my comfort zone to find my way to a balance, albeit a delicate one. Remembering how I ignored my fears and disappeared across the bay to snorkel by myself for an afternoon in Thailand helps me to work with the pain and fatigue on ‘slow’ days like today. Unlike those months away, here I have pressing responsibilities that I want and need to be physically and mentally present for. The balancing act becomes a more tenuous affair. Sometimes it involves summoning up the courage to allow my body and mind to rest as much as the courage to snap out of it and plow ahead.

As an artist I recognize that I have to create my art and not create with the opinions of others in mind–something I do far to often. Worrying about what other people think when you’re trying to create is the best way to make crap instead of art that is a reflection of your voice. This for me includes my newly-found creative outlet of writing.

I will continue with my blog documenting my thoughts and experiences with my true voice. I will share the amazing and at times miraculous experiences I had in Malaysia and other places through my journal entries, vignettes and ruminations. I came back stronger physically and in every way. Hopefully it will resonate with someone else who wants or even needs to hear it.